Ozzy Osbone
by glambertcello
Summary: Tony adopts a plastic skeleton as the lab's Halloween mascot. They undergo the process of naming him. Science Boyfriends Halloween Oneshot. :) T because Tony drops f-bomb. I do not own the Avengers. Happy Halloween, guys! This is my quickly-thrown-together treat for you!


There came a sad day in Bruce's life when he realized that finding a skull in his and Tony's joint lab wasn't enough to even surprise him.

Rolling his eyes at the back of Tony's head, he stated, "If those bones are real, I swear to god I'm going to tattle to Pepper about this one."

No response. The genius was too absorbed in the screens before him, undergoing the redesigning of his Iron Man suit. And when Tony went into full-on work mode, the only thing that could snap him out of it was coffee.

"Tony!" Instead of getting an actual answer, all Bruce got in response was a, "Hmph?" He was going to have to train Tony in the art of observing the things around him.

Finally giving up on getting through to him via talking, the scientist stalked over and minimized the screen, earning a, "Hey!" in protest. Gesturing over at the bones - which he knew immediately were plastic; it was just the fact that he wanted a response instead of a noise - he asked, "What's a skull doing in here?"

Blinking, giving Bruce his so-that-stupid-question-was-the-reason-you-interrupted-my-work? look, he responded, "It's for Halloween."

"Halloween's in October," Bruce pointed out. "It's the middle of August."

All he got was a shrug in return.

As the brunette billionaire was beginning to turn to his screen, Bruce asked, "Where'd you even get a skull from anyways?"

"Target," Tony answered, not even bothering to look up. "There's this wonderful thing called advertising, and one of their best methods for holidays is EARLY advertising."

Obviously, the doctor wasn't getting anything more out of his fellow scientist. So, instead of pestering, Bruce decided to do what he always did: go along with Tony's craziness.

* * *

"What's your opinion of 'Jack Skellington?'"

Tony asking random questions was a normal part of Bruce's life; he'd grown accustomed to answering quickly and not staring at the playboy as if he had been drugged by some extreme narcotics.

Without even bothering to look up from his screen, he replied, "Never seen the movie, so no opinion on the character. The name is original if only used on that character; I wouldn't recommend naming a pet or a robot that." Pulling his glasses off and setting them on his desk, he finally looked over at the genius, asking, "Why do you ask?"

Coming to sit down next his lab partner, Tony answered, "I'm trying to come up with a name for our new mascot. Some sort of pun related to skeletons."

With the raise of his eyebrow, Bruce asked, "Since when was he our mascot?"

"Since I decided it was a good idea."

Sighing, the curly-haired man decided to ask, "Isn't it sexist to assume that the skeleton would be male? It might be easier to create a name for a female skeleton."

Staring his you're-stupid stare, Tony responded in a 'duh' tone, "Uh, cuz we're Science Bros?" Gesturing at himself, Bruce, and the nameless skeleton, he continued, "Only guys allowed within our temple."

"But what about Pepper?" the doctor tried reasoning. "She's ALWAYS in here."

With a facial expression that resembled a pout, he said, "She ALWAYS ignores my rules."

Now THAT was true; his CEO had convinced JARVIS to let her override the program anytime she wanted, which meant she was allowed access to the labs, no matter how much Tony had protested.

A couple of minutes passed while the two men worked, side-by-side, in silent companionship. It was broken by a single question: "What about Johnny Neck, like Johnny Depp?"

* * *

Tony was sitting at dinner with the rest of the Avengers when he felt the need to announce, "I don't like the name Johnny Neck anymore."

While Cap and Pepper threw each other a confused look, Clint burst out laughing, and Natasha asked, "What, Stark?" in her dull, disinterested tone.

Of course, Bruce knew what he was talking about.

"Tony," Bruce said, swallowing the pasta he had placed in his mouth prior to Tony's world-changing announcement, "he's been Johnny Neck for a week. You can't keep changing it."

Although he didn't want to say it outright, what he really meant was, "I don't want to brainstorm with you anymore."

Sighing dramatically – as if acting in an overdone play – Tony argued, "But Johnny Neck is a _stupid_ name. I bet we could come up with a better one!"

"Um, excuse me?" Clint asked, raising his hand as if he was back in school. "What are you guys talking about?"

Bruce glared at Tony, responding, "Tony's skull that he bought."

From his spot next to Pepper, Steve asked, "Uh, what?" Of course; Steve wasn't exactly used to normal customs. He was probably familiar with Halloween, but _not_ with the idea of purchasing skulls from stores. For all Bruce knew, Steve probably assumed he was talking about a _real_ one.

Crossing his arms and leaning against the desk, Clint asked, "Why don't you name it something like Charles or Stanley or something?"

Unintentionally, both lab partners snapped in unison, "_No!_" While both of them had different motives for saying that, it still surprised the both of them, causing their eyes to snap in each other's direction.

For some completely unknown reason, Bruce's breath caught when he saw the look in Tony's eyes. It was an amalgam of frustration, annoyance, passion, and determination. Even though all of this was for a plastic skeleton that sat in their work environment, something about that look took Bruce's breath away.

Tony immediately glanced away, scrambling to his feet. Loudly, he declared, "We are _not_ going to name him some average name. We are _not_ going to take advice from outsiders. And—" he was now looking at Bruce, "—we will _not_ keep the name Johnny Neck. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some brainstorming to do." He kicked the chair over in his scramble to leave.

Bruce was in awe as he watched Tony exit the room, watching his angry but fluid motions as he stalked through the doors. He couldn't understand why, but he had never noticed the way his genius best friend walked. It was clunky and graceful at the same time, if that was even physically possible.

But, just as he was beginning to muse over what _else_ he hadn't noticed about Tony—such as how beautiful his eyes were—the playboy stuck activated the door again, calling out, "You coming?"

No, there was no way he could say no.

* * *

Leaning his head backwards against the chair, Bruce commented, "You've only got two weeks to come up with a name, you know."

The answer was a head banging against a desk as Tony let out a frustrated growl. "I _knoooow_," he whined, spinning around in his office chair to prop his feet on Bruce's thigh. "This really sucks."

Over the last month and a half, the skeleton—most recently Bruno Scars—had undergone ten names. Tony just couldn't decide, and it was agitating Bruce big time.

But, he couldn't deny that the scientist's effort was admirable. For a pathetic project, Tony put _way_ more dedication in it than he did some of his other tasks. Such as his health.

And, in a way, Bruce enjoyed watching him ponder. It gave him time to observe, the mull over the new thoughts that were arising in the back of his mind, the thoughts that were charging their way to the front of his thoughts.

Even though he wasn't ready to voice it yet, there was a good possibility that Bruce had a crush on his best friend.

It certainly didn't help that Tony seemed to be casually touching him more often. Such as using him as a footrest.

Deciding that was enough—best to get rid of the temptation—Bruce scooted Tony's feet off his knee, saying, "Quite honestly, Tony, I'm more concerned about the skeleton's fashion sense. He seems to be pretty confused."

When they had walked into the lab the day before, after Tony had been talked into _finally_ sleeping, the then-Bruno-Scars had sat in one of the chairs, dressed up in a flapper costume, complete with a girl's wig and a fluffy boa. It had taken Tony ten minutes to quit laughing and get up from the floor. When they had finally reached it, they found a note saying, _A gift from Pepper_.

But now, Tony just seemed to accept it. As if he had always planned for his skeleton to become a 1920s cross-dresser.

Shrugging at Bruce, he said, "Eh, it's his Halloween costume. Just go with it."

The doctor sighed; even though he hated to admit it, the skeleton _really_ needed a name. "What if we named it after one of us?" he asked. "One of the Avengers?"

"That's a possibility," Tony said, standing to his feet to pace. After a moment, he suggested, "What about Bony Scark?"

All Bruce could do was roll his eyes and ask, "Narcissistic much?"

"Okay, so let's think about _your_ name," Tony said, looking at him as he took his seat again. Leaning forward to prop his chin on his laced-together hands, he pondered, "What would work with Bruce Banner? Banner… Banner… Oh! Bruce Bo-"

Tony's voice died, his face seeming to freeze in a look that resembled a silent scream. His face turned several shades paler, and for a moment, all he did was sit there. But then, he was on his feet, mumbling, "I've gotta go," as he stumbled out of the lab.

For a moment, Bruce was really confused. What made Tony freak out like that?

And then, he realized what Tony almost said by mistake.

Bruce _Boner_.

* * *

"You've been avoiding me," Bruce bluntly pointed out as he entered the lab, startling Tony enough for him to spin around, eyes looking like a deer in headlights.

His comment wasn't the only thing that apparently startled the scientist. "Y-you're dressed up," he said, completely shocked as he stared at the timid doctor, who was dressed up as the Hulk. And then, just as it sank in who Bruce was dressed up as, he began cracking up.

As Tony continued laughing, Bruce commented, "You forgot it was Halloween." Always having taken the self-proclaimed philanthropist as a Halloween-lover, he had been just as surprised to see him in his typical Black Sabbath shirt and jeans. All he could do in response was nod, as he tried capturing his breath.

"Yeah, kind of lost track of time," he panted, doubling over. "Too busy working on the new model."

As Tony straightened up, Bruce found his eyes focusing on Tony's Black Sabbath shirt. _Black Sabbath… Black Sabbath…_

Coming to stand next to his fellow scientist, he asked, "Tony, isn't Ozzy Osbourne the lead singer of Black Sabbath?"

Raising an eyebrow, Tony said, "Yeah. So?"

"Ozzy Osbone."

At first, all Tony did was stare at him, confused. But then, in an instant, it dawned on him what Bruce meant. "Ozzy Osbone," he repeated, a grin splitting across his face. "Bruce, that's _perfect_. Oh my god, why didn't I think of that? It's _genius_, Bruce. You're a fucking genius." And then, suddenly, Tony's lips were on Bruce's.

It was brief, chaste, and much more significant than it should have been to either of them. But, in their case, they were more significant to each other than anyone else in the world, so it didn't really matter.

One look as they separated told them not to worry, not to freak out about this becoming awkward or anything.

So, instead, they leaned forward again.

But not before they reached the unspoken conclusion that Ozzy Osbone needed new clothes.


End file.
